Where is Jessica?

Life update. I didn't get my diet plan and workout schedule today, so I don't really have a new update to that, so while I waited for Dani at the dentist this AM, I wrote this:

Where’s Jessica? 

Y’all have been trinkling in week after week in my inbox asking. I want to remind you all that it’s ok to ask people what’s going on in their lives. We should be asking. 

She is currently not living with Daniela and I. She is living with one of her sisters, by her own choice.

The last 4 years have slowly become worse and worse. I can’t exactly tell you when it started, but I do know she learned about this Satanic cartoon from her classmates and she began to mimic the cartoon. I didn’t know why she was always tired and where she learned to raise her fist at my face, but these crazy behaviors started. Soon I realized she was stealing computers at night to watch this cartoon. She became so obsessed and watched it for hours through the night. 

Back in March, Daniela was extremely sick and Jessica was living outside for 7 straight days. She had run away, which she ran away all the time at this point. So this time, in the middle of the night, she was breaking in through windows to get food then crawl back outside to live. She was sleeping under the house in the dirt or in the fields.  She was convinced that I do not get to have rules and regulations. She quit school already by this point. She demanded that she lives how she wanted to without anyone telling her what to do. 

Most mornings over the last few years, Jessica woke up angry. Angry that she couldn’t get up when she wanted to! Slamming and breaking things in the house in fits of rage. Literally trashing her entire room tossing everything everywhere. 

When school would start, she’d run out of the house screaming, FUCK YOU, Bitch! I’m outta here! Or Burn In hell, you son of a bitch! (Mimicking this cartoon)

If I would be talking to her about something she did, she would get nose to nose and say, “slap me, so I can go to bed because I’m sick and tired of listening to your voice!”  Dani usually would come out of her room by now yelling Mom, BACK UP from her! (Dani knows she has some authority to hold me accountable.

2 summers ago she was in a mental institution here in another town. Her psychologist recommended it because she heard voices telling her to kill herself. 

She seemed calm for a few weeks then returned to normal. Life was so chaotic.  Everyone was miserable.

She also threatened to kill us.  Dani and I would hide the knives and sleep together locking the door.

Life became a daily mess. Dani and I would let her sleep late to not wake her, tip toeing around to not let the BOMB wake up. 

I knew I was losing my mind. I felt traumatized. You can only ask people to take Jessica so much.  The reality is people had their own lives and watching a kid that’s crazy isn’t exactly fun. Some people just said no. 

And some said give me that kid and come back when you want to!

One day, Daniela came to me.

Why are you waiting for one of us to get hurt? 

Wait. What? 

It was like—I see it all and I’m affected by it all, but Daniela woke me up that this is her life, too. 

Yeah, Mom, I hate living here. I can’t wait to go to college. I finally got out of my violent life and now, I have to live like that again!? I dream of leaving! I can’t wait to get out of this house. 

WAIT. 

What if we let her move out like she wants and then no one has to get hurt?  YES, Mom!  Let her go if she wants to go!

One of my pastor’s is an orphanage director and we had him come to the house to talk to us and Jessica didn’t want to live there. 

Ok, what about her local family. Her sister heard she was staying at her aunts and she came into town that night a couple hours away. 

I didn’t post because I thought after a day she would wake up and want to live with us. Ok, maybe it will take a week. Maybe a month!? 2 months? 

We talk to her almost weekly and every week I end the call asking if she’s ready to come home. The answer is always “No, I don’t want to live with you guys.”  We have secret ways in English/Spanish to tell me to come get her.  She knows my door is always open and she just needs to call day or night and say, come get me!

I don’t understand but I do know she isn’t having massive breakdowns there. She’s not violent. She doesn’t run away. She hasn’t threatened to kill herself or others. 

Dani asked if it upsets me that “I couldn’t do it.”

I started to cry. I don’t think like that, at all.   Even if I don’t believe in earthly happiness/joy/peace. I’m thankful for the first time in years cortisol isn’t flooding this child all day long and she’s found some sort of calmness. I cry that she finally doesn’t cry and want to die. If letting her move out keeps everyone alive, then this is the best we can do right now.

I don’t think Jessica is gone from our family forever. I have full Dominican legal rights to her and haven’t signed it over. We pray and fast that God will convict her heart. In the end, you couldn’t say Jesus without her slamming her head against a wall or screaming covering her ears. 

My hope is God is with her. And that one day, she will turn. I often have this vision of her on a stage speaking her testimony. 

A powerful one it will be.

Join me in prayer as Daniela's little sister's parents are thinking about taking Jessica in.  This Dominican family values family, education, and therapy.  Jess was in therapy before but her sister said she didn't need it anymore when she moved in there.   We are closer to the little sister's family than we are her older sisters.  They also have internet and we could talk to Jessica more often.

 

Chelation Therapy

Guys, I write blogs in my head allll the time!  I just don't ever write them down.  I have a few blogs coming your way this week.

Last month I quickly gained another 15lbs. My weight has been an issue for years. I am the only person I know to gain 10 lbs on WHOLE 30. I decided to hire a nutritionist here in the DR. She ran blood work and we saw that my liver and kidney enzymes were high. My creatine was low and my uric acid was high. My nutritionist said I would usually be considered obese but my muscle mass is high. She knows I weight lift 4 days a week.  She asked how much alcohol I’m consuming. I said none. She looked at Dani. She shook her head saying I don’t drink alcohol. She sent me for a sonogram and told me to drink more water. Sonogram didn’t show any enlarged organs, but I know the doctor that does the sonograms always asks, “what’s wrong, why are you here,” etc, so I brought my results. 

He asked, “how much alcohol are you consuming in a day?” 

None. 

I had already googled these levels and saw that it usually has to do with cirrhosis or maybe hepatitis.  Unless this is damage from binge drinking in my youth, it's not cirrhosis.

I left the nutritionist with a juice diet--basically, with a dinner that was a small banana, 2 pieces of cheese, and a small piece of avocado. I still do not understand the logic of this diet.  It was a let’s get you to lose weight quickly diet and I’m not looking for that. I left and didn't hire her.

I hired a personal trainer online to help. I’m 4 weeks in and haven’t lost anything. 

2 weeks ago, I asked my pastor who could evaluate my kidneys/liver and help. Like, really help. I figured I need a little more medical advice than drink water.  He texted me back a number of a guy he graduated medical school with (my pastor is a baby doctor) that had gone back to do molecular medicine. At the end, I will tell you his story.

I texted and he spoke English. I wanted this because medical is Spanish is so hard for me! There are so many words. Dani is no help either! 

I went to go see him and he asked me a bunch of questions about how I feel and my weight. 

You weigh too much. Like, YOU REALLY WEIGH TOO MUCH.

Listen, doc! I’m here for weighing too much! No need to throw in the REALLY PART! 

We all laughed. 

I didn’t mind saying that back to him because I know Dominicans are very vocal about people's weight and appearance to your face. 

Are you working out? Yes, 5/6 days week. 4 days of heavy weights and 3 days of soccer with Daniela's team.

He looks at Dani. Does she? Doc, she is always working out! She’s always trying to drag me to the gym! 

Do you have anxiety or depression? No, I'm pretty laid back. 

He looks at Dani—is she? Yeah, she doesn’t get anxiety or depression. (I actually enjoy Daniela talking about who I am or how she perceives me).  

What kind of blood are you? O negative

Oh gosh. Ok. 

It can sometimes be difficult to work with. 

We looked at my blood under a microscope. 

See this? This is metal. See this? That’s arsenic. That right there is mercury. See that, metal. Metal. Metal. 

Yesterday, I started chelation therapy. It’s a weekly process of doing an IV to pull out metals. He says my weight should fall off. My kidneys and liver should go back to normal functioning. He thinks one kidney is a bit paralyzed and the pain I feel in one kidney is the kidney doing extra work. Last week, I started some high dose D vitamins and a metabolism pill at a natural store. I know some of this treatment is high doses of Vitamin C, Zinc, Glut something and Vitamin B. 

His own story: he came down with brain tumors and became paraplegic. He was preparing to die when he heard Argentina was doing some new molecular medicine with high dosages of vitamins.  He flew to Argentina from the DR and decided they could just burry his body if he dies.  

He was healed. He doesn’t even walk with a cane. He went back to school and was in NY working when they decided to send him back to the DR to do a study here with this.

I read that most people lose 3-5 lbs after each treatment.  I woke up and have gained 3 lbs.  I am trying to just be hopeful but when you are gaining weight at an alarming rate, seeing the scale go up 3 more is frightening!  I have never weighed this much in my life.  

Y'all be praying for these kidneys and liver to get moving and doing their job!!

Dani gets her stitches out of her mouth today.  She is healing BEAUTIFULLY!  

I will write more tonight.  I am meeting with my doctor to discuss my new diet and workout.  If you are wondering how I have heavy metals, I have no clue, but I am investigating things like my 15 years of dying my hair is one, makeup has metals, water, soil, fish I purchase here, rice, ETC.

ACL and Full Tear of Meniscus Surgery Day 1/12/21

MIJA

FUN (questionable) FACTS about DANIELA that I heard that were noteworthy with all our time together yesterday:  Daniela got in trouble for stealing a book in Kinder because she had none at home. I swear her Christmas list was all books and I said, “add something else, please!”

She’s tried cocaine at age 10 with her sister after mom passed away.

Tuesday:

We woke up at 4 am. I had a dream about my brothers and I. In the dream I prayed and I said a few things concerning a verse about Elijah. On the way to the hospital I told Dani and she told me she read that very story that nothing! Can I first say I’m so proud to hear she read her Bible at 4am! We left at 5 and I didn’t even read! 

We dropped Jess at Dilena’s house and headed to Santiago with great time.

We arrived at 6:45am. We entered admissions and had no idea what to do so we stood there waiting for directions on putting our names on a list, a ticket, something. Minutes passed and the guy said sit down. This is actually really odd because usually when you walk into a Dominican room the attendant would say good morning.  Always.

We are finally called to the counter and the man rambled 3 documents to give him. I personally was given this folder here at the anesthisia test. I have no Idea the names of the documents inside. I pushed my envelope that I already gave him, closer to him. I was thinking okay, he just needs this hospital folder with Daniela's complete info.  He wouldn’t take her documents out. Again with no eye contact and angry he repeated his documents. I said I don’t know which those are...I started to well up with tears.

“Can you help us? Please.” 

He takes it gasping for air, hating his life and hating us. I’m so shocked and appalled because it’s 7am and they just opened! Then, he wanted a deposit and I told him ok, how much. He was agitated again telling me—I tell him. Ok can I make up the amount? More gasps, no! He basically told me forget it and to go wait to the side, I’m not prepared. I’m like wait! No! 😭 We have surgery in 30 minutes, please help us. Now I’m crying because I just don’t know why it always has to be so hard. 

Look my daughter up in the system and tell me. 

I don’t have her in this. Call your surgeon and talk to him. 

Wait, can you call him? 

No, you call him.

 

I pulled out my document, that I demanded from my surgeon stating everything, and showed him that the hospital determines the deposit. I ask him to please call. He huffs and puffs. I’m still crying and can’t seem to pull it together. 

I wait to the side. I go to the bathroom to pray and breathe. I know God is in control but why can’t it be easy? 

Then he comes back with an amount. I just pay it. Then he wanted Daniela’s ID. I’m like she’s a minor, no one told me to bring anything. 

“Where’s her passport???”

I never told this guy she has a passport! Dani was like, “excuse me, sir, I’m a Dominican citizen only.” 

He assumed she flew in here with me. By now, I am full in tears and I’m so frustrated that it’s now after 8 and we aren’t even close to surgery. 

He storms up again making sure we know he isn’t happy. He comes back and now doesn’t care that she has no ID. 

He asked why have I not paid equipment bill. I told him I drove there yesterday and they said pay after surgery. He said no, I’m supposed to pay that first. He looked at me said this is a mess because of your surgeon!  If you read my last blogm, I had this concern too last week. I asked my surgeon to stop texting me and sending me voice messages with tiny bits of info here and there and changing prices.  I asked for all info to be put into a formal professional document from his secretary.  I also needed info on what the surgery was.  

Anyway, by this point I couldn’t talk anymore. My eyes were welled with tears. I let Daniela talk for me. I was already stressing her with my crying. 7:47am my surgeon texts he’s headed to the hospital. How odd he didn’t plan to be there before surgery time.  Why tell me to arrive at 7AM to do admissions to go into surgery at 8am?

Anyway, he continued, “He’s so unorganized and you don’t even have the information!” WOW.

The surgeon came in and I couldn’t believe how disrespectful he was to him! I thought, ok, he might be a mess but that isn’t how you talk to a surgeon. He flat out told him off. She got her bracelet and we were out.

We finished and went to preop. As we walked with surgeon there I told him Daniela has some food sensitivities with meat and dairy, if we could order a vegetarian diet for her. Oh sure tell the clerk on the floor when you get your room assigned. (Remember this.) 

We started to get ready to operate. We had 4 nurses stick her 11 times for an iv. I almost threw up watching the sticks then digging up and sideways to hit. Lady 4 came in and hit one first try. 🎉🎉We thanked her. With every lady we prayed asking God to hit something. 

She finished surgery around 11. He said it was successful and removed the 1/2 meniscus torn in half. I need to google that. I wondered if she needed something else there.  I was super late receiving that info the day before surgery--that if the meniscus is fully ripped, he just takes it out.  Call me crazy but I think God has it there for a reason?  

So surgery is over and a man found me and said I needed to pay. I asked to see Daniela. He said not yet, go pay first. I found this super crass. I asked do I go to admissions? Same place as in the morning? Yes, go to admissions. 

I go in there and decide I’ll choose the girl because the guy was about to kill someone in the morning. I tell her my kids name and I need to pay. 

You don’t pay here. 

She’s super short and little eye contact. She also doesn’t try to help or send me anywhere else. 

Can you tell me where to go? 

To the cashier outside. 

That guy told me you only pay there when you leave. He tells me she’s not in system. I go back to admissions.

I go back to the lady—

Well, the doctor upstairs said I come here to pay. He said I need to pay then I can see my daughter. 

It’s not here. This is admissions! She raises her voice and has hand and head gestures.

I said, What is going on here? Why is your face doing that— why you are so angry? 

Because I told you this is ADMISSIONS! YOU DONT PAY HERE!  Literally shouting and enunciating every single word.

Tears well up. I’m so on my last leg. 

She picks up the phone and the person said I need to pay the deposit. She looks at me and says oh you need to pay the deposit here. 

No apology. She just acts like it’s nothing.

I was waiting for Sal to jump out that this was a prank. 

“I paid my deposit in the morning.”

Sadly, I don’t have my receipt and it’s in my medical folder that keeps following Dani. 

I call on the guy that was my clerk in the morning. He seems to be on my be on my team now. I think he’s seen way too much crying out of me and took pity. He was raising his voice again for the phone to hear! She paid! She already paid! 

All I want to do is see my kid. They made another mistake and I could leave. I ended up not paying anything and seeing Dani in the recovery waiting room. I go back up and another doctor is talking to me again about how I’m paying. I find all of this so rude.

Can I go spend time with my kid? I have stated to my surgeon several times how I am paying. This is no mystery. This money hungry pushing me to pay is insane as she’s minutes out of major surgery (I didn’t know it was major surgery either until someone told me).

He kept repeating that they will take money off if I pay in cash.  There is a ATM downstairs and I could take the money out.  Pay in cash it's cheaper.  NOOOOOOOOOOO, I am not paying in CASH!  I didn't say that but that was exactly my thought.  Why do you keep pushing me to get the money out in cash.  You can pay tomorrow or the next day, it's better in cash. NO.  Sometimes I just crave a man to stand next to me and not deal with BS like this, but I also know the Lord has made me tough enough (He stands with me) to speak for myself and demand what I want and not cave.

the room we slept in all night

6:15 almost 7 hours later we have been waiting in a recovery room with other post ops. Sometimes up to 15. I was watching some man convulsing/shaking and I was becoming nauseous. I didn’t like seeing all these people out of surgery. I didn’t like screaming kids and crying kids for their moms. We stayed there all day watching every patient. The place was packed with about 15 beds at one point. I walked around people to get out. We at least got a back space around 3 pm. I sat on the floor for 4 hours next to he before they moved us to the back.  The back space was better with a partial curtain, several didn't have that. Plus, I finally got a chair to sit on.

6:14, a nurse said we might sleep right here. 🙃 I just can’t. I kept asking and I was told later, the afternoon, soon, your next.

We ended up sleeping in the recovery waiting room of post operation. The lights in the room are all connected, so you couldn’t shut off the light above your bed. 

Our nurse Jon who was taking great care of us said he would find me a bed to put next to Dani. By 8, I am about to pass out. At 9, there’s a new female nurse. I ask for a bed next to D and she said no. I asked her am I not going to sleep tonight?  She, no joke looked at me, and said, no, you aren't going to sleep tonight. I looked around and said I am going to sleep.  

Unless you are a single mom, you don't know SINGLE MOM TIRED.  I am going to sleep. I am over the running around this place up and down the stairs and doing it all alone.  

So, I found a metal bed with no mattress hiding behind Daniela's space and went to sleep on it around 9:10pm.  Next thing, I was being woken up by Daniela telling this male nurse that ASKED

  

Is that your Mom?  

Yes.

  

Why is she on that metal gurney with no mattress?   

The lady nurse told her she can't sleep here.  He was livid!  He was like why didn't she clean the bed with a mat for her?  

Dani said my Mom asked her to and she wouldn't.  

He rolled me in a bed.  I secretly loved that man.  Thanks, GOD!  I swear this male nurse disappeared and we haven't seen him since.  Or before.  He did nothing but find me in some crawl space and demand I get a bed.  

We were woke up several times to nurses laughing, playing, and talking loudly. I shhhhh’d them at one point. They stopped.

After 10PM sometime when I was passed out, they wanted to bring Dani dinner. DINNER. Up until this point they gave no snacks, no water, nothing. I already spoke to my personal nurse Casey and she said she can have some food. 

Around midnight, they started blaring secular Spanish music for a celebration of a birthday. I AM NOT KIDDING. In the room that patients STRAIGHT out of surgery go to for recover! (Casey, did you read that?)

Dani told the male nurse Jon, that was taking GREAT care of us, to please tell them to stop. Again, after a minute they turned it back on. Daniela asked them to please shut it off. They told her it’s a birthday! She told me she told them patients healing and sleeping are the priority, shut it off, I need sleep. She's going to be 17 next week and I am so thankful she holds her own and she never worries. me.

THIS IS THE PART WE ALL NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND---

Our nurse finally helped us understand what was going on and why everyone was so rude. He was on a 48 hour shift, not knowing when it will end. He’s not being paid either. Their paychecks are delayed. He lives pretty far away too and doesn’t get any gas compensation. 

And then it clicked why everyone is has been so mean since we walked in the door.  I do not know what this delayed pay means but I do know my security guard says that his company doesn't always pay him either.  Its delayed right now.  I find this interesting because I am charged 4 times HIS SALARY for his services, so my bill alone pays 4 guys months SALARY.  Why are they not paying?  Once again my hospital bill pays scores of their salaries, I bet.

Today is Wednesday and I am hoping to leave this morning.  I need to head upstairs, and there isn't internet in there, to see if the doctor is here to help get us out.

I wanted to leave you with this:  while Daniela and I were just in a funk to the treatment of this place we decided to sit and brainstorm where we saw God.  Here's our list <3

Where did you see God? 

In the English doctor we found who answered my questions. (He sent me to a place that doesn't exist anymore in another building, but still)

In the nurse asking her how she felt and would pray for Dani when I wasn’t with her

In getting safely through the operation

In the parents supporting me here

In the old man that was white as can be but was Haitian telling me to google and you tube her recovery myself and telling me to be careful they don’t take advantage of my money by charging me more. He reminded me of my dad. I went to talk to him in English and helped him put on his arm sling. I just wanted to be near him because he felt like my dad

In the sunset as I waited for food delivery

In the calmness inside

In the angel man that got me a bed

in the music finally stopping

in Jon our nurse being so soft and good at his job

in my Lake George hoodie that became my soft covering to the metal bed

Photos aren't uploading.  Maybe later when I have good internet xoxo

Pre-op Appointments

Daniela’s operation should be tomorrow at 7am, but today we went to Santiago to do an anesthesia pretest. We arrived at 6:30am before the hospital really opens because you have to wait to be served by when you arrive. No one was working until 8 so people piled in by that time. We quickly were a mess about what order we would go in because the seating was limited because of Covid. I tried to organize us by number until the number got too big. My point was to get Daniela a number before we got pushed to the side. 

When the nurses arrived at 8, it quickly was tossed aside as the nurse announced the actual lines for certain procedures. The room basically bursted into everyone getting up and going to their spot. At these point it really didn’t matter for a lot of people because order was destroyed. For us, it was fine. I arrived as number 4 and the family of 3 in front of us had to move, so we became number one. A lady took number 1 seat and I nicely told her she wasn’t 1, but she got to the seat first to claim it. Another man came up claiming 2 and she moved down the line. 

The machines to spray you for covid and the temperature machine aren't working this early in the morning. I wonder why people in the hospital in the morning don't need it.

 9:08AM We had to pay for a Covid test and then the anesthesia. The clerk asked for a Dominican ID. Daniela doesn’t receive her legal ID until she turns 18. (Her birthday is in 10 days and she turns 17!) so I passed my phone with my passport ID. We paid and left to testing and noticed that I'm listed as the patient. When we told the clerk, we found another mom with the same problem. The clerk told us it was our faults it was done wrong. We told her that these are minors, obviously the ID is the mom. In order to correct the issue, she made a fake bill for 1000 pesos ($17) and stamped it paid. I already paid the real bill for $2800 pesos ($48). I’ll have to double check later on my final bill that this isn’t there. I don’t think she understood that this throws off her drawer and I imagine she does this for mistakes.  

Everytime Daniela is called or someone talks to Daniela I go to her and they tell me to go outside or sit on the sides, I keep reminding them this is a minor (why doesn’t anyone look at her paper with her age?) and I’m going into all rooms that she does.  

9:30 Covid test is done and it takes 30 minutes to return with results. She's drawn blood 3 times this week and both arms are bruised up.  She had to do more tests after the cardiologists tests because our surgeon forgot to tell us that she needed a certain list.  He also forgot to tell us that she gets a covid test at the pre-op appointment.  I already paid for a covid test a few days ago.  You really have to go with the flow and expect to spend money.  I actually already did all the blood tests last month with our first surgeon but he won't email me the results, nor send them to the new surgeon, so we retested in town instead of going to La Vega and back.

10:18 Waiting in a hallway to do an anesthesia pre-op test  

10:23 (In anesthesia testing office) We found out that this test is not a test for anesthesia. It is technically called that but bad communication didn’t tell us it’s the part to analyze all testing before surgery and complete a file in computer.  

Finished and completed her file. 

I’m going to talk to my nurse friends about which anesthesia to do. They want to do it in her back and I’m not exactly a fan of that. 

10:53 Leave and take stairs because the elevator isn’t working. The crazy steps almost make Daniela fall as your foot only fully fits on each step by the very edge.

11:15 We went to the equipment center and the price was 17,000 ($294) over the price quoted. He called my doctor and gave me a discount but said I don’t have to pay today, but pay tomorrow after surgery. I probably won’t return after surgery, I’m going to want to stay with D. I’ll head back there before I leave Santiago. They said if we don’t use all the equipment then I don’t have to pay for it. I really have no idea what that means, like why wouldn’t you use it?  

My sweet Dominican lawyer friend told me to pay all in credit card and never to pay doctors in cash—as my surgeon had asked. He was willing to give me a discount if I paid in cash but the discount isn’t worth it. I might as well put it on my CC and earn the miles for a free flight and pay it off immediately.

We got home this afternoon and will return in the morning at 7AM.  Surgery should be at 8am.  I'll update you tomorrow.

*I took notes to update you guys as our day went today in the NOTES app and I'm about to hop into a class at 5:30, so I haven't proofread this well!  Forgive me for the errors!

New Years Eve

 I can't believe 2020 is coming to an end.

As we start the new year, the Dominican government has put us back into a lockdown. This one is more extreme than we have seen all year.  During the weekdays we have curfew starting at 5pm, but can be driving on the streets until 7pm.  This is good because Santiago is 1.5 hours away from my house and I need the extra driving time.  We go to Santiago for things like mail, the chiropractor, our ministry's accountant, big supermarkets to get imported items I can't get locally, etc.  On Saturday and Sunday's we have a curfew that starts at 12 noon and goes until 5am. Restaurants, bars, and small stores are not allowed to have customers inside.  Corner-stores are a lot of peoples' family businesses.   All of our stores and businesses require masks and have during this whole process but people have been congregating on the streets and homes without it.  Part of the culture is sitting outside talking with friends and family.  The barrio on my way home doesn't seem to be participating in any of the rules in place, not even masks in stores.  It's confusing.  Churches are closed down so we will head back to online.

Update on Daniela:  she tore her meniscus and her ACL in her right leg.  Last year after her accident, we were told she was fine.  We did physical therapy and were released to play soccer again.  She always complained to me that her knee never felt right and she felt unstable.  The doctor in Jarabacoa emergency room should have sent us to a specialist.  In early December I took the kids to a trampoline park in a mall in Santo Domingo, the Capitol.  As I saw my friends Dave and Megan taking Dani off the trampoline, I knew it was that knee.  Sure enough, it was.  

Before I even had time to turn around and tell Megan I was going to some underground nurse's station, I turned around and Dani was gone in a wheelchair.  I shook my head, but I can't say I am shocked anymore.  I got downstairs by being escorted by an employee and told Dani, next time don't let them take you away without me!  Oh, Mom.  I'm fine.  Before we knew it, she was getting a shot in her butt and I was asking, hey, can you tell me what this stuff is?  

Daniela's wheelchair didn't have anything to hold her leg up that couldn't bend.

We had the wheelchair to go eat and then the trampoline place and security took the wheelchair away from us.  Daniela was in serious pain and could barely walk and they said they needed it in case someone else got hurt there.  I'm often reminded that this isn't America.  We walked ever so slowly to the elevator and to the car.  Dave sweetly pulled the car up front to let Dani in.

We saw a doctor in La Vega (just down the mountain and not as far away as Santiago).  He confirmed her first set of MRI's (I brought these from the soccer accident) showed a tear in the ACL.  My eyes filled up with water.  I let my kid play soccer and games on a torn ACL, and then I let her jump on a trampoline and now we have torn the meniscus.  I set a surgery date with him for the following Monday.  That was December 14th.  In the meantime, I went to Santiago to a hospital that is supposedly the best in the Caribbean.  He says the same with with both MRI sets and I decide that we are going to go with him instead.

When we were in the smaller hospital in La Vega no one was following the hospital's protocols...not even the doctors or surgeons!  They were cramming people in the elevators and the waiting room was crammed.  The nurse taking Daniela's blood for tests for preop kicked her bad leg.  Some lady almost beat me up because I was following the protocol that only 2 people are allowed in the elevator!  If you know me, I am not scared of COVID but I do follow the mandates in place and I DON'T WANT COVID.  I also don't want my kid that is about to have surgery in the elevator with 11 other people!  This lady was legit pushing me to get in and in my face.  A nurse standing next to her said those signs don't matter.  Daniela said I missed a modern day miracle that a man that had crutches let his crutches go and walked over to the elevator to see the "fight" that was about to happen.  A pregnant lady was pushing people to get in to see the action.  Finally a man stepped in and said stop!  The sign says 2 only!  As the door shut the lady screamed at me THIS ISN'T YOUR COUNTRY!  Dani looked at me and said I can't believe you didn't hit that lady pushing you repeatedly.  I was thankful I had the Holy Spirit living inside of me and was calm as can be, but not letting them all in. A few minutes later Daniela and I busted out laughing!  WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED.

Our new date is set for January 8th.  I didn't want to do her surgery right before school starts but we have no choice because the physical therapy place doesn't open up until January 11th.  School starts online on January 11th.  We are just rolling with the circumstances.  She needs an EKG next week for a preop test but I haven't been able to get anyone to answer the phone at the local cardiology place.  A lot of things close her in mid December and do not open again until after 3 King's Day, which is January 6th.  Besides the holiday, a lot of doctors are only working half days because of COVID.

This surgery is going to cost around 5,000 USD.  The physical therapy is going to cost around $800.  The doctor gave me ballpark figures for each part that had large gaps.  I don't know why her hospital room will be between this number and that number.  Medicine could be up to maybe $80,000 pesos.  The doctor says if I pay him in cash directly he will take off 10% of his portion which is $120,000 pesos.  I often do not understand the system, but I go with it after 8 years of living here.  The surgery will have her stay a night in the hospital.  My friend Dilenia said she can watch Jess while I sleep with Dani there.  One of my high school friends paid for Dani's surgery.  God has been so sweet to me.  My heart wishes she could do surgery in the USA but y'all know that isn't possible.  

Other than all this, life has been real slow and I am trying to be thankful in this season.

I hope you all take today to remember all the things the Lord has done for you in 2020!  

I lost Dad in 2020, but I can still say God has been so faithful and good to me.  I cry as I write that.  You know those tears just slip out sometimes and you aren't even sure what emotion is coming out.  Writing Dad died is so confusing and heart wrenching.  BUT, it has not been the worst year of my life.  If anything, it has been a year that I purged a lot of things I didn't even know were inside.  For that I am thankful for the never ending process God has going on inside of us.

Lord, thank You for all you DID in 2020!  Thank You that YOU never stop working and that for every tear I cry, You bottle it up.  Thank You for the never ending conversations to the One person that will never leave.

Happy New Year,  Friends!

My friends Kami and Heather enter the new year with words...I encourage you to do the same!  I love the idea!  I am praying on what my word or phrase will be.  Do you have one?

You Don't Leave Behind Your Waterpot

I have no idea what it means to search for water and to bring it home, but Dani does, so I invited her outside to talk as I was reading about the woman at the well in John 4.  Today is a Dominican Catholic holiday, so the kids are out of school.   

Daniela's family would go to the river down the hill to get water.  

We made about 3 trips a day down and up with Mami, David, and Grabiela (sister that is after Jessica and before D).  Mom had saved them when she found gallons in the trash, street or if she bought clean water for Jessica, a baby, to drink.  If Mami found paint buckets, she would clean them out for David to carry.  David could carry two of the paint buckets.  He took a lot of breaks because they were heavy.  Mom had a bucket on her head and two in her hands.  Grabby couldn't always help because she had bad asthma.  (Eventually, Grabby went to live with a new family that could take care of her).  I could carry 3-1 gallon jugs.  

One time Papi found a broken tinaco, water storage usually on a house, where we could collect rain water and also store our buckets.  My Dad didn't know, but when it rained the tinaco would fill up quickly, so David and I would jump in and make a pool out of it.  We would dump the water and let the rain fill it up before Papi came home with clean rain water.

The first two trips were the house water to cook, drink, clean, do dishes, give parents' showers, wash feet, and give to the plants.  The last trip was for kids' showers.  Sometimes, we would just bathe in the river to not have to bring the water home.  My gallons were to be set in the sun to get warm and be used for a night shower.  We always showered at night and then in the morning.  It's a Dominican thing, Mom.  We didn't like doing this job, but it was a necessity to survive.  We didn't have running water in my house.  I can't stand when Jessica wastes gas when she cooks by letting the pot heat up.  We didn't have the luxury of wasting gas.  Our rich neighbor allowed us to use his electricity line.  David did work for him for 50 cents a day and he let us steal his electricity.  

Would you ever leave the water jug and not take it home? NO!  We couldn't live without that water!

I love hearing stories from D!  Don't you?

I was talking to my friend Wanzie the other day.  She asked me what do you want FIGHT Ministries to be known for? Do you want to be a generic ministry that fits the mold?   I got off with her and prayed, God, what do You want here?  I was on the other side of the property trying to do laundry.  I have access to 3 washers and 2 dryers and NONE are working properly right now.  That's another story, but I asked Him, what do YOU want here? 

Yes, we have a mission.  Our purpose is to restore hope, healing, security, and safety to children through the power of Christ.  But what does that look like?

As soon as I asked God, I heard be the woman at the well.  I instantly almost cried.  This really is my life already.  I had an encounter with Jesus and I have been running and telling my story ever since.  Dani met Jesus and has been telling her story ever since.  People often ask why is Dani so open to tell others?  Because she met JESUS.  No one that has encountered Jesus can be kept quiet.  There are no, I was a good kid and got Saved and my life is basically the same.  I do not see that story in the Bible, ever.  Why?  Because Jesus changes you from dead to alive--old to new.  

We want to develop a place that emulates the lady at the well.

Let me tell you about her:

A Samaritan Woman Meets Her Messiah

Therefore, when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John 2 (though Jesus Himself did not baptize, but His disciples), 3 He left Judea and departed again to Galilee. 4 But He needed to go through Samaria.

5 So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. 6 Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

7 A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” 8 For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.

9 Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.

10 Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

11 The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? 12 Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

15 The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”

17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”

Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

19 The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”

21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spiritand truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

25 The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”

26 Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am He.”

The Whitened Harvest

27 And at this point His disciples came, and they marveled that He talked with a woman; yet no one said, “What do You seek?” or, “Why are You talking with her?”

28 The woman then left her waterpot, went her way into the city, and said to the men, 29 “Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?” 30 Then they went out of the city and came to Him.

31 In the meantime His disciples urged Him, saying, “Rabbi, eat.”

32 But He said to them, “I have food to eat of which you do not know.”

33 Therefore the disciples said to one another, “Has anyone brought Him anything to eat?”

34 Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work. 35 Do you not say, ‘There are still four months and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already white for harvest! 36 And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together. 37 For in this the saying is true: ‘One sows and another reaps.’ 38 I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored;others have labored, and you have entered into their labors.”
The Savior of the World

39 And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, “He told me all that I everdid.” 40 So when the Samaritans had come to Him, they urged Him to stay with them; and He stayed there two days. 41 And many more believed because of His own word.

42 Then they said to the woman, “Now we believe, not because of what you said, for we ourselves have heard Him and we know that this is indeed the Christ, the Savior of the world.”

FIGHT Ministries is a place where God encounters people, it's supernatural things flowing with His presence.  It is going to be stories and stories of what He has done.  FIGHT already is that.  We are known as the crazy ministry with the "crazy God stories."  We have seen miracles, words, prophecy, wisdom, big faith, healing, dreams, giving, favor, and more.  We glorify His works here, not people who do good and do what seems good.  We once turned down a man that promised to fundraise millions for us, as he did in Africa, but Luke wouldn't partner with him because he wasn't working through the Spirit, but out of his own power and resources.  A few months ago I spiritually fasted for 35 days and felt God ask me to do a HIIT workouts for 30 minutes with my fitness group.  Not only did I keep with everyone but was going even faster with heavier weights sometimes!  You can't make this stuff up and you couldn't do it in your own power IF YOU TRIED!  But with God, the impossible happens!  I had every excuse to not workout because I had no food in me to be able to do it!  Yet, He said, "go" and I went.  I silently cried at that miraculous feat!  

One time a donor gave me $5,000 dollars!  God said give it to FIGHT.  I wasn't sure I heard Him correctly so I double prayed on that... and handed it over as a donation to the ministry.  What happened the NEXT WEEK?  I WAS GIVEN $5,000 USD dollars again.  

If it isn't going to glorify God, we don't to be part of it!  We want the Jesus exalted stories.  Have we gotten every dollar to fund this facility? Yes.  Has it been in a miraculous way that honors God and shows others that He did it? YES!  We don't even fundraise the way other organizations fundraise and we see hundreds of thousands come in.

I am in a season of prayer for staff.  Staff that are so in love with Jesus Christ.  People that have met Him and are now committed whole-heartedly to telling the stories to get others out of the trenches of darkness into the LIGHT. Can you help us find these people that God has chosen?  Our bar is set high: you must be committed to exalting Jesus and not yourself.  You must love others.  You must be more concerned about others than your rights, your wants, your desires, what you are offended by, your comforts--you must be willing to run back.

Why am I chosen to lead this place?  We are developing something very powerful here.  I am here to protect this Holy Ground.  Healing is coming and we will do everything to create an environment where God can come and do HIS THING, IN HIS PEOPLE!  (Why does this make me cry?!!  What did He say in verse 4 above?) 

Exactly.  He needed to go and meet her there.  Jesus met me there, too.  A crying girl bent down at a dryer in 2001 hysterically crying to please help me if you are real or I am going to die when my BFF died.  He needed to go to me and that day my life changed.  I didn't know who I encountered that day, but I went searching in every church I could visit.

Dani.  A girl crying.  Begging for help.  He needed to go to her.  And we all know her powerful story of redemption.

Even today, HE STILL COMES.  7.5 billion people in the world to deal with and God still looks down to a young girl in the Dominican Republic with tears running down her face. And He came to me, quickly.

I finished working out and a song came on shuffle and the kids already walked home as I stretched.  I started to cry at this song that had deep meaning to me from an old boyfriend who was emotionally hurtful in his words/actions.  As I sat there, Jesus' sweet words entered my Spirit asking me why do you hold onto these memories?  What did you expect of a man that doesn't follow Me?  He knew no better than the way he acted.  But on the flip side, my identity is not in that person's behavior.  As Wanzie texted me, let it go! Geesh, I didn't even know it was there until this old song popped on! But the Lord's revelation was so deep.  It's almost scary to think there are things that you don't realize you harbor.  

But today, He came and showed me we needed to make some changes in my thinking.  Ahh, My Phyllis. Daughter, I want to talk to you.  We need to clean this out of you.  There's no space here for that. 

LOVED, SO LOVED!  God is not too busy to come to YOU!  

These stories are never going to end until the day I die.  You are never going to stop hearing about it from me because I have tasted and seen it repeatedly.  And after I die, people will still be talking about what Jesus did in my life!

So here is what you are going to continue to see coming out of FIGHT:

We want rescued girls and staff running from here, leaving their water pots, to tell the town, the country, the world what they encountered here: JESUS.  

Dani, Jess, oldest sister, niece in front, after mom passed away

Quietly Waiting for Death

Mom, HELP!

What is going on!?

There's a spider in the shower with meeeeeeee!

We turned on the hot water to drown it down the drain.  It wasn't even huge!

THAT WAS THE SCARIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!

I walk out of the bathroom saying, Child, you saw your Mom murdered in front of you.  I highly doubt that was the scariest thing that has ever happened to you.

Mom, that happened like 6 years ago.  

This scene happened a few days ago and I have thought about it every day since!  Dani and I spend most mornings reading this book about sex and purity before school.  We are so in-love with it that we read on the weekends, too.  This morning we sat on the porch and I asked her how she could possibly think the spider in the shower was the scariest day, ever!  I just would never have imagined she would ever say that about anything other than the day her mother died. Or, maybe the days and months following when her dad was on the run from police.  We ended up having the coolest conversation.

I took notes to share in this blog...Daniela is in total agreement with me sharing her story.  She believes in GLORIFYING GOD in all things.  We don't live hidden secretive lives.

Mom, I’ve forgiven and made peace. I need to move on in life and I can’t be stuck there. How can I have a new life if I’m not willing to move on from my past?

Jesus made me think of the future, I was stuck in the past. I thought my life was stuck thinking and reliving this moment in time, but when I met Jesus He told me He had a plan for my future and that I DID HAVE A FUTURE. 

I don’t think you forget it, the event that happened, but I also don’t think of my past and single out this one moment of time as “my past.” Instead, I think of my whole life was in darkness, not just this one thing, and He took me into the Light. 

After I got Saved, I wanted to hold on to it (the memory of her mother's death), but I realized holding onto it was holding me back from what God had for me. NEW LIFE. Place. School. 

I was quietly waiting for death back then.

She begins to cry. 

Me:  Why are you crying right now?

I realize how big His healing was to not stay there. Dark tunnel--no light. I cry because of what Jesus did in me. He took away a pain that I never thought would end. 

With Jesus, I finally wanted to live and not die. 

Mija

Do you want to see what we are reading?

https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Jesus-Conversations-Church-Forgot/dp/0801019052