No Weapon Formed Against Me

I would definitely say that 2020 has been a year of great change.

Wouldn't we all?

After two friends confirmed that they heard the Lord say I should move to the safe house property, my family packed up and moved as my contract came to an end at my apartment in town. I respect/trust both of these girls in hearing Him like I do myself.  This was my first decision ever that I didn't hear God tell me Himself to do something, but I was confident it was right.

4 days at the property and life was great and I felt so confirmed and at peace here.  I cried apologizing to God that I didn't want to move here!  It's far outside of town, I wouldn't be able to workout with my group of girls, the market is so far away, I love the Avenida to walk with friends--blah, but we got here and love flushing toilet paper, love clean water out of the sinks, taking baths, etc (we have a well and its clean water unlike the rest of the country).

Then things changed.

I woke up tossing and turning hearing voices one night.  It was outside but I thought I was dreaming.  I don't sleep well because I think I have Apnea, so I tend to wake up mid-dreaming and go back to bed.  This time I woke up, I heard voices again that sounded like it was in my room.  Slowly, I got up and looked outside to find guys by the washer machine on back porch by my room.  I had gun shots on my computer and I tried yelling at them--no one seemed to care.  I called my friend Juan to come and got Daniela up to help me incase they entered the house.  They never did.  One was caught by police and jailed for just the night.

A few nights later at 10:40pm I heard a slow walk down the stairs.  I knew it wasn't Jessica because she walks like a 300lb man down the stairs including skipping steps and landing like its a Ninja obstacle course.  I immediately got out of bed and planned to meet it in the middle.

Here's D walking towards me with a bat.

"Mom," in a voice that means something bad is about to be said.  In words that are not to be repeated, I asked her what was going on.  You won't believe this, she laughs a laugh that isn't a real laugh.  One of those inappropriate laughs that I'm not too sure why we do sometimes in fear or embarrassment?

You have got to be kidding me!?  Add a few more words that aren't appropriate.

There are men outside talking, Mom.  And no, I didn't come tell you immediately, I waited to make sure they are really there and that I am not crazy.

I tell her that we need to get sneakers on and then I realize we have all our sneakers outside on this rack I painted for the porch (the next day all sneakers are moved inside). I call Juan again to come and he does immediately, and I am so thankful for a friend here that comes quickly and owns a gun ;)

He finds out that the noises we heard were guys with a broken down car that were with the owner of the property next to ours.  It's my ex-accountant's father. He has cows on it and feeds them nightly.  No one lives right next to me here but owns the desolate property.  Ok, relieved.

The next day I have Dani call my accountant to tell him to tell his dad (that has property next to me) to not call me Americana if he needs my attention from the road.  He said he tried to tell me but I ignored him at like 6pm.  Evidently they left and came back later.  While Dani was talking to him he told D, I know your mom knows because she can see it on the cameras but you have guys sitting up at the road watching you.  I think you are a target.  It's very dangerous when they watch you during the day, it means they are looking down and keeping your schedule and of the workers here.  You need to get a gun or you need to get a security guard.  My dad and I think you are marked and it shouldn't be taken lightly.  The same two guys were at your house last night when we came back to get our car, but they left immediately.  They always leave when my dad pulls up and he has seen them several times. 

So who did we hear that night?  Who knows.  Could have been the guys waiting for help with the flat tire or the guys watching us.

I had Dani ask him if their intent is usually to harm the occupants or just to get their goods.  He advised to let them take whatever they want and do not fight.  If you fight, you will be harmed greatly. They think you can identify them and they would rather be put away longer by harming you then by just taking your things.

Honestly, Dani y I both needed to hear that because we are both warriors.  We both have baseball bats by our beds and our mentality is we will kill you if you enter the house.  We retracted this plan and decided that we would hide.  Barn door sliders are so pretty but they are not good for deciding where to hide and lock!

I was driving to Santiago when he told us this.  I must admit, I was pissed.  A mark?  Marking us?  Marking our property?  I got home and a friend called asking if I could hide an ex-gang member that became a Christian.  I felt like my life was NOT real that day.  After considering it and then learning all the details, I felt like that wasn't the best decision.  Luke already told me no way and I was heavily weighing his gift of discernment.  I had woken up that day and felt led to fast.  Then, I heard all these things and i was so thankful God led me into a fast to clear my mind and be praying all day for direction.  I declined being a refuge for this guy.  I felt like I NEEDED a city of refuge myself!  The more we talked about gang activity we pondered on the idea that we could be a mission for a gang.  I originally thought that the police roughing up the guy (23 y/o) and arresting him would make others stay out, but I learned that when someone is harmed in an assignment, this could make them want to send more in to let gang members show their loyalty to go in knowing you could get hurt.  And guys watching during the day is NOT NORMAL.

I just couldn't believe this was my life.

I felt the Lord call me to pray over the property.  I road the 4w with D and screamed prayers from the top of my lungs declaring evil to leave.  THE ONLY MARK WE HAVE IS OF CHRIST!  In the end times, those of the Beast will be marked but so WILL THOSE OF CHRIST.  I felt God ask me to go on the porch and worship.  I wanted to cry, NO, GOD!  It is dark out there and no one is going outside after 7pm when the sun begins to set!  

This was the first time since I started to follow Christ that when I heard a lie of the devil, immediately the Holy Spirit was just as loud following it with Truth.  I felt almost crazy in my head with how loud it could both be.  God would say I won't be shaken, the devil would say you just wait for the dark to come.

And honestly, every night it gets dark, I didn't let the girls out of the house and I seriously struggled with not letting the darkness overcome me.  I would check doors are locked and recheck a kid didn't open one.  I would get my lights on outside immediately and leave them on all night.

People said you need a gun, I looked at one.  Some said I needed dogs.  Juan dropped me off two street dogs and somehow I actually like them.  You need razor wire, you need higher fences, you need angry dogs, you need... whatever.

God kept telling me that I need HIM.  That is it.  Most nights I get in bed and I need to rebuke anxiety and fear.  I found myself reading and praying incessantly.  One night I felt God ask me to turn on a loud fan in my room and to not get out of bed not once for anything.  Dogs barking, stay in bed.  Cameras are sending me notifications, stay in bed.  Noises outside, stay in bed.  "I am dealing with what is going on, Phyllis."

Would you believe almost every single night I would read in bed and pass out from exhaustion without the crazy thoughts keeping me up? How did you do that, God!?

I could not believe it.  How am I sleeping so well??

Sometimes, I would find myself questioning God as to why I am single and no one to protect me.  How foolish as I have been protected every step of the way so far and I am sleeping through the night like I never do!  I found myself praying whatever is out there, You deal with it, God.  

I am so thankful to be single and to learn that God is enough.  As a single mom, I need to be the protector and the one to save my kids, etc...in this season, I am learning that all I need to do is pray and ask God for protection.  I have never felt SOO loved by God before.  I find myself in tears at how well He takes care of me and my kids.  The day I fasted I felt like my fast and prayers were breaking chains, breaking this principality over my land!  Even using the word principality was new to me!  So many bad things were happening to me and around me, I knew that this had to be broken with prayer and fasting.  The day I flipped the 4 wheeler on its side, I realized I am physically being attacked.  I am being chased out of here.  Marked. Mission. Chased. Attacked.  What in the world is going on here!?  God continued to tell me to just listen to Him.  Just let Him deal with this.

Kalee joined me in a fast and so did my friend Kim.  She's sick with COVID and IS fasting/praying for me.  I'm thankful for these warriors fighting with me.

Then God sent this storm that seemed to "clean out" the entire land.  Then, He sent a rainbow that started on the property and ended here.  I clung to that rainbow as fear began to attack me daily as soon as it got dark. NO! No weapon formed against me shall prosper.  I have nothing to fear when the most powerful being in the world lives inside of me and I can command anything in the Name of Jesus.

Nightly, I have found myself praying and praying more than ever.  Feeling like you are in danger brings on a new kind of clinging.  Psalms became my best friend. When you know that you are helpless and that the only way to win in this battle is for HIM to fight, you have to lay down and say, its yours God.

Many have asked if I am going to leave.

No.  Never.

I was sent on a mission from God to this country and I am staying until He asks me to leave.  I truly believe whatever darkness was here has been defeated.

I am excited to tell you that I hired an armed security guard.  He started tonight and that is so exciting!  I am so thankful he didn't start 3 weeks ago when this happened.  I have grown so close to God in this season that I would not change any of the circumstances for that experience.  I know I am so blessed to live a life so dependent on Him.

There is nothing sweeter than praying and God answering for your immediate needs.

Corona Virus in the Dominican Republic

Corona Virus in the Dominican Republic

·     We are in a State of Emergency

·     172 cases in a country of about 11 million (taken from a FB group)

·     Activities are suspended for the next 25 days

·     Curfew strictly imposed from 8PM-6AM

·     Schools are closed

·     Gyms are closed

·     Places that are open:  supermarket, small grocery stores, fuel stations, pharmacies and commercial establishments dedicated to the sale of raw or cooked food

·     Restaurants are closed, but you can call for takeout or delivery

·     Most small corner stores are open

·     Banks are open

·     Airport have closed the boarders, you can’t fly in unless you are a resident

·     Foreigners can fly home, but flights are scare and some are being cancelled 

·     People are posting in groups they can’t find flights out

For the most part, it is quiet in the mountains of Jarabacoa. A siren will sound at 8PM to go home and stay there.  I rarely go out at night after dark anyway because the rate of a drunk driver hitting you skyrockets.  My car is still a mess from a motorcycle plowing through an intersection a few weeks ago.  I hear police are stopping work vehicles during the day telling them they aren’t to be working.  I have heard that the police are sweeping the streets and arresting people that are out after 8PM, if you aren’t medical personnel.  The curfew just started last night, I think.

The supermarket is not out of items, people are not stocking up obsessively.  My family went grocery shopping, but honestly, having a large property with food growing rapidly, food isn’t a concern for me. 

About 10 missionaries have left; some with health concerns, family sick in USA, and others wanting to leave before they are stuck here. Leaving is never an option for me, so it never crosses my mind.  We all must pray and be confident in what He asks.  Many times in the Bible people are asked to do things that everyone around them would say DON’T DO, but God commands them to do it.  Just listen to the Holy Spirit and you will be confident. Be an Abraham.

School is closed and the girls are doing homeschooling. The country does not recognize home-schooling outside of this pandemic.  Daniela is doing it all online and Jess has packets to accomplish.  We are doing fine.  Math might kill Jess and I both.

On another note, I love being a stay-at-home mom.  I’ve been working from home for months now on FIGHT things. I help with construction when Luke asks and facilitate teams when they are here.  Everything is shut down, so it’s a very SLOW PACE right now. It is so relaxing to do laundry and clean without running around to accomplish other things. I am loving finding new recipes and cooking YUMMY lunches and dinners for my kids.  Sometimes when you are so busy, you throw whatever on the table. Lunches are fast like sandwiches and you don’t really care, but when you have time, it all changes!  I’m loving making things from scratch.  Daniela is vegan. She quit meat first, but then she’s been throwing up for 2 weeks, so we cut dairy, too.  We have all her tests back, but her Endo isn’t seeing patients. She thought lactose intolerance and stomach ulcers.  She sadly said that all the gastro issues Dani has is reflective of growing up poor, “in the barrio.”  She said corner store (colmado) eating is killing the populations' digestive tracks. She said, “Never eat SALAMI.”  I said, “STOP! Let me record this!” Everyone eats that in the DR.  She is Dominican and I’ve never heard that before.  We don’t eat it because it is poorly refrigerated.  She said all the meats at the colmado are infested with bacteria and parasites--most diseases are colmado related.  Anyway, Daniela’s loving things like dairy free pesto sauce, vegan hotdogs, black bean burgers, vegetable fritters, veggie burritos, and more!

What else is going on?  It’s been raining, too. I LOVE THE RAIN.  I know a lot of people become depressed…that’s not me. I find such joy and peace in the rain. It feels so spiritual to me, honestly. I always think of it as God kissing me with each drop.  I never hesitate to walk in the rain. I had been in a line to leave church last week, then realized it wasn’t a line to leave!  They were all waiting.  I don’t know if Dominicans are scare of getting sick, getting wet, or ruining their hair. Someone yelled to me…”NOOOOO, don’t go! Your hair!!”  My kids used to cower at the rain before, they could careless now after learning from me.  Be thankful for the rain!  <3

Anyway, life is good.  No complaints here.  I don’t usually suffer from anxiety, so I haven’t had any anxious thoughts.  I will abide by the statutes the government put into place. We haven’t left home in 2 days, only to go for a walk with friends yesterday.  I have taken requests to God on the daily asking God to keep Corona out of my house.  What He chooses to permit is fine with me.  

Use this time to pray, fast, seek, and read.  Don’t complain about having time to RELAX.  Take out a book and read!  Cook some good, healthy thought out meals and let the kids help.  Put huge time limits on kid movies and they will read more books!

Thank God for what you have been given and repent of the anxiety that says He isn’t in control—because HE IS.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xiu6hbz0iDk&feature=youtu.be

Death had a stronghold, but Your life was stronger

Rose from the grave, rose up from the grave, yeah

When evil is rising, You're rising higher

With power to save, with power to save, 

There's hope in the morning 

There's hope in the evening 

There's hope because You're living 

There's hope because You're breathing

There's hope in the breaking 

There's hope in the sorrow

Hope for this moment 

My hope for tomorrow 

If you are Christian, I encourage you to go through Exodus this week. Can you imagine seeing all water turned to blood?  And, I encourage you to be different than the world and not panic with anxiety and fear.  Be a light.

New Home

Our landlord asked us to move at the end of April.  He wants to redo plumbing and leaks in other places.

He said I could have 4-8 weeks to find something.  As June dwindled down, I still couldn't find anything.  I sought after 4 realtors to help and was shocked, none of them had but 1 house each, some not having any to show.  You can hire a realtor here to find a house to rent.  They usually make a month's rent.  It's a last resort because there were no houses showing "for rent" signs.

Right now, I am living in a house that has another house below.  I moved into this house after I left the school.  The landlord was older and grumpy, much like my dad.  I liked him. We got along just great, even though other tenants didn't like him as much.  My friend, at the time, helped negotiate and we got him to rent it to my for around $100.  I was single and wouldn't use the other rooms. That price is ridiculously cheap!

BUT GOD, right?

He soon died.  Then, my girls came to me.  The landlord's family lived in the States and monthly, I just paid a lawyer.  Luke took care of my house issues and I don't talk to anyone much.  It's been a sweet blessing in many ways (in other ways a headache), but now it's time to go.

So it is time to move.

The girls and I would drive around and around.  As June ended, I kept thinking I will just choose anything and get out of my house.  Then, my landlord texted asking if I got a place.  I told him no and he said I could take a little more time.  He said workers were coming, but I shouldn't fret.  They never came and I kept looking. I started to ask, God, "hey, um, what are You doing? Don't you have to provide housing for me?  Doesn't Your Word say to not worry about my life and what I will eat and drink? (Matthew 6)  So, why do I not have a home?  Shouldn't we honor this guy's request to move out by the end of June?

I would pray those prayers out loud with the kids in the car and to myself.  Just being a bit confused.  I found a few places but the rent was high for the area or for the quality.  Most places, it doesn't seem to matter if its a house or apartment here for the price are $260-$360 for places to live. As you can see, my house was nuts at that price and I gave up finding something in that very low range.  The homes I was finding in the lower range didn't have the back up water tank on the roof.  That's the water you use when the power goes off.  If you don't have it, you don't have water.  We are not above that, but I'm a for-lifer here.  There's no reason at that price to not have a water tank, so those options were out for me.

I kept telling God, I want the GOD STORY. I want to glorify Your name and tell the STORY.  If I just find an apartment and move, there's no story. Don't let me move on something, God, unless You do it! I'll move to whatever place You want, as long as You make it CLEAR that You chose it.

Waiting was so hard. I wanted to move. I packed early June!  I thought, surely I'll out in June.

The other day the kids and I drive around this neighborhood I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED until recently.  We had been there 4 times already, driving around! It's a very nice and quiet neighborhood. Big houses. Every time I drove in there, I thought, I gotta get my truck washed to drive around here!

A man was pruning his very nice yard.  I  pulled up and asked if he knew of any homes for rent.  He said, "no, sorry, I can't help you."  Meanwhile, his wife hears us from far off and comes walking, "YES!"

She tells me to go two doors down, they have a sister that has a home for rent.  I pulled up and no one was coming out.  The lady from before saw me and walked over, I'll go talk to them for you.

The lady comes out and says ok.  I said, "uh, I'll follow you." She said, "no, we are walking. It's across the street."

WHAT? HERE? IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?

I snapped this because as we walked, I thought, Lord, is this it?  Is this really it?  I wanted to remember walking down to my new house.

As we entered I was floored.  I thought, "We can't afford this.  Is this yard real?!"  She asked how many people, I said just me and the girls.  As we went up the stairs, she said it's 3 bedrooms. I thought this is it.  As we went in, the girls were choosing bedrooms and placing furniture in their minds.  We walked and talked and I prayed she would say 15000RD pesos, that's about 300.  This house should be like 20-25000RD for the neighborhood and kind of houses.  She said 15.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't talk.  I told her that was a bit high on my list for a house, but maybe she could ask her sister to do 14, 000RD.  I told her I would pray as tears were trying to escape out and I'd be back with my brother to look at the electricity.  My current house is weak and I can't use my new oven or vacuum.  (Jeff, don't worry, soon I'll be able to use the oven part!!)

Luke's whole family piled in and came down yesterday and the power is a tad lower than Luke wanted it, but will be fine.  We negotiated on $14,500RD. It has so many fruit trees!!  Guanabana,  mango, limes, bananas, coconut,  and avocados. JACKPOT.

I was telling Luke that I always liked the iron door on my other houses, made me feel really secure.  I wished I had one at the new house.  Phyllis, NO ONE is breaking into this neighborhood.  Ok, true.  It also has video cameras downstairs and Luke said we can do a camera upstairs at my front door.  He can get these at a fair price on amazon for like $30.

I had one thing on the table for the Lord.  Give us a safe place to live with water and in a price range that we can sustain.  I'm a very simple person, doesn't take much to please me with material things.

THIS IS ABUNDANTLY MORE THAN I ASKED.

I'm moving in a few minutes and STILL can't believe I get to live here.  Oh, and the kids can walk to and from school!  That was on my list of requirements, too.

But, Wait. I’m The One That Comforts Her.

**The last photos are graphic.

When D was in the hospital last week for splitting her head open on a volleyball net post that was cemented to the ground, she had forgot several years of her life.  Part of that amnesia included living with me.  When the school called at 9:45am, they were just notifying me that she may need stitches and I might want to meet her at the hospital. Sometimes people go down the mountain to handle emergencies because they say it’s a better hospital.  Being that it was her face cut open, they wanted to give me the option of where she would be sewn up at to do the least amount of scaring. Nonchalantly, I got dressed and met her there.

I walked into emergency and saw a teacher and asked where she was.  He pointed to a room and I bopped in there smiling.  Talking fast like I usually do and rubbing her leg and thigh (we are a touchy family) in comfort, I was asking what happened, how you feeling, how did this happen, etc.  She returned my touch with moving her bottom to the wall on her gurney as if a victim is on all fours with their butt on the ground acts as someone stands over them with a bat or knife!  Her eyes instantly made me tear up.  She looked as if she was having PTSD of her mom.  I thought maybe she was having flashbacks of being in the public hospital after her mom died.  She didn’t sleep for 3 days straight.  She was wide awake in shock and fear having a massive breakdown and they brought her to the hospital where they knocked her out to rest.  I thought all the blood reminded her of holding her mom as she died. Her eyes scared me. 

She turned to her friend asking in Spanish who I was and why was I touching her. Uhh, what?  Who?  Who is she talking about?

I had no idea there was brain trauma.  Umm, me? Is she talking about me? Yes.  

Wow.  I didn’t even try to say, Hey, I’m your Mom.

She was panicking and we decided I would wait outside.   Wait, she thinks I would cause her harm? I was mind blown.

(I’ll find out later she was never experiencing PTSD-- no flashbacks happened.  She said, “Mom, I thought all that would make me freak out about my Mom and it didn’t.”  I REALLY was ME causing the anxiety being the stranger.

But, wait. I’m the one that comforts her.

Then, it was time to go into the surgery room to sew up her head and I couldn’t go in there either.  When she came out, she was in a gown and I was so mad/sad that she changed without me!!  That’s my kid and she doesn’t take clothes off without me!  

The nurse wanted to give her a shot in the bottom for tetanus and Dani asked Luke and I to go out. What?  That’s my butt in there.  Sigh.   She’s too young to be in there alone.  There’s no one to comfort her and to walk with her through all this.

To Daniela, we were the Americans that put on a VBS sports camp years ago right before she moved in. She confirmed to me later that she was just waiting for SOMEONE to come to her in the hospital.  Anyone but these creepy Americans that are in her room.  

We had to transfer her to another medic place to do the brain scan.  I asked her if we were making her anxious, she said yes.  As she was about to go into the scan machine, I started to cry as I took her hair out of a ponytail.  She was able to understand all English, but only reply in Spanish.  She looked at me and said, Are you crying? Why are you crying?  I didn’t even answer, just quickly wiped tears as I tried to get her stupid hair tie out of her ridiculously thick, curly hair. She said, “Hey, stop crying. You don’t need to cry, everything is fine.  Stop crying, ok?”

I kept finding myself on the brink of tears!  Repeatedly saying to myself, but I’m the one that comforts her! How can I be causing the panic?

Later she started calling me mama and not knowing why, then apologizing for calling me that.  So what’s your name? I forgot.  

I couldn’t help but feel such empathy for her.  Being a 15 year old little girl in the hospital alone and waiting for help to come.

***By 3 in the afternoon, she had laid her head to rest for a moment and woke up calling me Mama.  This time FOR REAL.  

Brother David came to visit.

Eating the next morning and no issues swallowing

You bring your own blankets, pillows, shower stuff, towels, etc

We prayed for a new upgraded room with air and got it!  Even had a fridge and better wifi!

We are out of there the next day at 11:45am!

This is the real reason for this blog and I left out A LOT OF details about the rest.  Daniela wrote a blog and she might hit them, but this is the most important…

I think it was the next day we got back home, I woke up to read, like usual, as the sun was barely coming up.  As I was reading in Genesis, I heard God tell me…I AM the Comforter.  

Even in typing that tonight, my eyes well up.  I repented immediately.  Who do I think I am!?  Geesh. I spent all day freaking out that I wasn’t able to comfort her.  Although I prayed for her, did I once ask God to comfort her?  No.  Not once did I ask Him to do what HE DOES.  I was too busy silently crying for her because she was scared and I couldn’t be the one to soothe her fears.  A lot of people commented that it must be so sad for me to have done so much for her the last 5 years and that wasn’t remembered. Or just to be a Mom that isn’t remembered, but honestly, none of that even crossed my mind.  We would work though the memory stuff.  My heartache was her loneliness--  a little girl at the hospital without any loving faces that she knows and can give her rest.

Luke had already prayed by himself for her to have memory back and she instantly remembered him baptizing her.  Praises to Him for that memory! She was still puzzled as to why he baptized her.  He asked her if she was praying through this, she said no.  She told me later her memory was saying she wasn’t Saved.  I do not even understand that.  My thought was well, she doesn’t know Jesus right now, so He can’t do anything for her right now.  

This was not true.

I do not want to experience any of that ever again, but I am so thankful to go through that trial that spoke so loudly to me that I DO NOT COMFORT her, HE DOES.  I need to lift her up to Him to take care of His kid.  She is His before she is MINE.  

All along, she was never alone.  Man, that just makes me cry.  People always comment how I am so Jesus focused and yet, here I was trying to wear pants that do not belong to me.  With the best MOM intentions around, not in a prideful manner—or so I thought.  But, really, it is.  It’s a scary place to try to take over titles that aren’t ours.   I never want to replace Him as number 1 because I am going to die one day.  There are going to come days in their lives when they are truly alone physically and I will not be there to lean on…

BUT HIM.  

He will always be there.  He promises to NEVER leave us and never FORSAKE us. 

Never. 

Altagracia Daniela

Last week, Jessica was in trouble for something and in classic Jessica style she threw out sins of Daniela--telling me she had Facebook on her phone.  When I checked, there was no Facebook.  She had lied...but I did see a game on it that was gray.  When I touched it, it disappeared, oddly.  Long story short, Dani has Jessica's phone because Dani's smashed.  Jessica has a parental setting on her phone to not be able to download apps over 9yo.  Evidently, I never set Daniela's old phone like this, but it didn't matter to me because all downloads are sent to my phone for parental approval code.

Well, Dani memorized my code and used it to download a game that you can talk to friends within the game.  She had it on her own phone and I had no clue.  I DON'T RANDOMLY check apps bc I MUST approve them.  I do read her text messages here and there to the 2 friends she is allowed to talk to on imsg.  I'm not a bad parent in this phone area.  Now, other areas, maybe so.  So the app was gray because although she used my passcode to download it, she didn't know there was a block on older kids' apps--so she couldn't access it from Jessica's phone she is using now.  She doesn't know how to get into the kids' screen time and change those things, yet.

I love that Daniela is few and far between discipline issues that yes, she has a punishment but it doesn't bother me as much because I know she is in a process of learning and choosing to follow God or not.

We attended a local English church this week as we have mission teams coming and going with a local organization.  They were taking communion at the end, so as a song played I had both kids come to my row to talk.  They sat behind me and I sat with friends I went with.  I explained how communion is super important and to NOT take it if you have any sin that is not repented of--

1 Corin 11:

27 Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and [e]blood of the Lord. 28 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For he who eats and drinks [f]in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the [g]Lord’s body. 30 For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many [h]sleep. 

I quickly discussed that taking the bread and juice in an unworthy manner has caused some to be sick or even die.  Repent of whatever you got before you do it, and if you can't right now, just don't take it.  As I went to take it, both kids sat down.  As I walked to get mine, I got a little choked up that they were taking this so serious.  High-fiving Jesus on my way to my cup as I held tears in.  

Even before I ever came to Jesus, when I visited Catholic churches, I refused to take communion when people said, "just get in line." I had no idea what it really meant and I was not willing to put that in my body out of our respect for what it meant.  Isn't that crazy?  I think so, too, but something in me said DO NOT DO THAT flippantly.  

I still remember the first time I took communion.  I TOTALLY understood it and CRIED like a baby at the beauty of it.  I totally understood what I was doing and man, was I thankful for what Jesus Christ did for me on that Cross.

As Daniela headed to get hers, tears were flowing from her eyes after repenting of something.  She told me later she didn't want to forgive Jessica for telling on her about the phone.  Jessica sat down because she didn't want to ask for prayers in her prayer group that morning. In church, we got in groups to pray. She felt like she should ask for prayers for mine and hers relationship but stayed quiet because she doesn't want people to know she sins.  I had gone with another and deserted my kids because I had a vision that morning of praying with the CMA girls and holy moly, we are group praying. Daniela figured out her own life and joined a group with Jessica.  I love her lack of dependance on me!

So Sunday night, D couldn't sleep that night.  She woke up around 3 am after a bad God dream about demons and drowning.  She woke up without air, like she was really drowning.  She felt like she should read and God showed her how she had sinned and then hid it like Achan.  She has my old Bible and a notecard fell out of it when she picked it up to read.  It was notes from Joshua 7, and she felt led to go there.  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+7&version=NKJV

When she got to the stole and hid part, it hit her heart.  She felt his conviction when she used my password, but hid it and went on trying to conceal it happened.  When I crawled into bed with her in the morning to talk because Jess asked if I knew she was up last night reading at like 3, tears flowed down her eyes to her ears staring at the ceiling.  I'm fasting today, Mom.  Why would I hear Him and ignore it!?  Why would I choose to hid something like this!?  She was so distraught about it.  I was mentally jumping up and down at this!  Yes! Yes!  Stay here, D!  I told her that repentance means starting over.  God erases this.  Devil tells us to feel guilt and live there wanting/needing more punishment. Get up and get working for God again.

She told me this morning, God convicted her to read in the mornings, not to do only night readings.  She says morning comes and she doesn't remember what she read and it doesn't stay on her mind for the day, but if she reads in the morning, she thinks about that.